Saturday, May 28, 2011
you know. i really dont understand why i have to be left out again. i honestly do not deserve this. officially the worst year in my entire life. this is the first saturday that i actually stay home while my friends are outside. ignorning my calls. _|_ society.. id rather live in a fucking jungle
BISMA! :) ♥
1:52 AM
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Friday, May 20, 2011
dear diary,
Things are getting harder for me.this is hard for me to take. i swear. Im put in a vulnerable position where one mistake means the end of everything. and apperently. I have no knowledge of what is right and wrong with these people.
am i cursed?
BISMA! :) ♥
10:24 AM
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
just came back from town. met dom wayne nic and chelsea for jamming in the afternoon, followed by walking around orchard until 8pm. met nicki,kaisha,lydia and rachel for dinner in a thai restaurant at far east. had a lil chilli overdose followed by beer. my stomach feels really hot now hahahah. followed by midnight movie at lido. Thor is a really great movie. it really gives us an idea how fuckin primitive we are compared to any aliens if they ever exist. fuckin love the movie. went home after that. nicki and the cab driver were having a political talk. Im not interested at all. but anyways. it was a great weekend. looking forward for weekdays now
BISMA! :) ♥
12:07 PM
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Friday, May 13, 2011
she thinks she is so blady pretty uh.. kanina.. lift her ego too much.. ugly piece of fuck
BISMA! :) ♥
10:33 AM
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011
she doesn't know that telling me how she is close to people i dislike like that actually helps me a lot in getting over her. and the best part is she likes it and I love it. man, things are turning good right now. hopefully she wont be nice to me for another few weeks? in that way I could actually go through all these in a much faster paste. now i do not even see the point why i should call her out if I'm bored. that means I'm 80% independent from her. the remaining 20% will be gone soon. i just know it.
dear god.
thanks for reopening my eyes.
you tried to do that by making my friends to tell me off her.
at least now
I realize. she is not my type at all.
BISMA! :) ♥
9:23 AM
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011
oh this is how much I miss talking to her at night. I hope this awkward feeling towards her ends soon. I really want this friendship.
cheers to love
BISMA! :) ♥
7:10 AM
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Thursday, May 5, 2011
dear diary,
I can't believe that everything was a lie. I've been living in denial for months. to be honest things are better kept secret. I love her. a lot. and getting over you has been my nightmare for almost two years. I know this sounded cheesy and shit. but you really made me believe in love. and now that you told me its a lie. its almost impossible for me to recover. I know the truth hurts. it does.
people say that what doesnt kill me makes me stronger
yeah. true. if i get through this that means ill be able to numb my feelings towards the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
which means ill be numb towards everything. and fuck that.
you know what this feels like?
it felt like someone gives you a billion dollars and you have to give it away the following day.
yes it does feels like that
today its 5/5/2011.
diary, I've decided today.
to hurt myself.
by forgetting about you.
there is no other way to do this.
Ive been a coward for years.
but you know, while pretending to love me, she did her job getting over me while I fall deeper instead
I was stupid
really. really stupid.
if you dont think i am, then at least I FEEL stupid.
I felt useless
things that I learnt from this :
when you are in love, things are better than they are.
but when you are broken, it feels like everything is dark.
well, you know one explanation why i kept holding her back?
I just wanted to feel alive.
cause even your voice made me smile.
it never fails to do so.
however.
I believe someone is there waiting for me.
maybe, not anytime soon.
but at least, I do believe.
so cheers to love
BISMA! :) ♥
7:28 AM
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Sunday, May 1, 2011
one question i always wonder. why are you letting yourself do this?
BISMA! :) ♥
11:13 PM
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