Thursday, May 5, 2011
dear diary,
I can't believe that everything was a lie. I've been living in denial for months. to be honest things are better kept secret. I love her. a lot. and getting over you has been my nightmare for almost two years. I know this sounded cheesy and shit. but you really made me believe in love. and now that you told me its a lie. its almost impossible for me to recover. I know the truth hurts. it does.
people say that what doesnt kill me makes me stronger
yeah. true. if i get through this that means ill be able to numb my feelings towards the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
which means ill be numb towards everything. and fuck that.
you know what this feels like?
it felt like someone gives you a billion dollars and you have to give it away the following day.
yes it does feels like that
today its 5/5/2011.
diary, I've decided today.
to hurt myself.
by forgetting about you.
there is no other way to do this.
Ive been a coward for years.
but you know, while pretending to love me, she did her job getting over me while I fall deeper instead
I was stupid
really. really stupid.
if you dont think i am, then at least I FEEL stupid.
I felt useless
things that I learnt from this :
when you are in love, things are better than they are.
but when you are broken, it feels like everything is dark.
well, you know one explanation why i kept holding her back?
I just wanted to feel alive.
cause even your voice made me smile.
it never fails to do so.
however.
I believe someone is there waiting for me.
maybe, not anytime soon.
but at least, I do believe.
so cheers to love
BISMA! :) ♥
7:28 AM
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